I did so many horrible things today to my baby.

She doesn’t really nap and breastfeed well these days that’s why I always gets frustrated with her, and today, I just snapped.

She only napped for half an hour in the electric cradle and she was fussy because she didn’t get enough nap. Tried to breastfeed her hoping she could go back to her nap but she cried and screamed bloody murder. Fine. Put her down and let her be but she was cranky. Tried to put her back to nap again in the cradle but she didn’t want to stay in there. Attempted to put her to nap again by breastfeeding lying down but she screamed again. At this point, I was boiling up in anger.

So I pinched her cheek. She cried harder. Lastik her foot. I even left her in our dark bedroom with the door closed because I was afraid that I will do something sinister to her like throwing her down to the floor or smother her or something. I needed to calm down.

I just can’t bring myself to put up with her crankiness. I just can’t. I’m not patient enough. I found myself screaming and beating myself up in my head everytime I feel stress coming, and they always came from my children. But my toddler is better. I just can’t with my baby. Bad baby!

I think I’m falling into a depression. I feel sad and angry more than I feel joyful these days. I wonder why. Something is wrong with me because I cannot see the blessings in front of my eyes. All I see are things going wrong and failures.


Ambition and Books

If there is a job that I can do from home, it would be writing.

I would like to write a book but my head is blank. I don’t have any ideas and if there is any, it is not original 😅

How awesome it is if I can write a book and be successful like J.K. Rowling! Harry Potter is one of the series that I read over and over again. If I read one book, I will surely read all seven of them and watch the movies, too. That’s how addictive Harry Potter is to me.

There is another series of book that I’m addicted to. I just discovered it last year and I am so glad to discover that all the books in the series were finished and I was able to binge read through all of them!

It was the Riyria Chronicles and Riyria Revelations by Michael J. Sullivan. There were 3 omnibooks (2 books in 1 novel) in the Chronicles and 3 books in the Revelations. That means 9 books total and if I start to read one, I will surely read all of them because reading one just makes me want to read more 😁

The authors of these books are just too damn good or what! I wonder where do they get their inspirations 🤔 They are just so creative! Their writing skills are great and I just love the world they created!

How to become like them? 😂

My First Jujube!


I own a Jujube 😁

I’m starting small. This is only a Be Quick so it’s not so expensive.

Futhermore, I bought if from a BST page so it was way cheaper than retail price.

So so happy with my purchase!

I see it as a start of a collection. I’m eyeing that page everyday so if I see something worth buying, for example, a BRB sold for only RM500 in my favourite print I will buy it 😅

I’m procrastinating for so long already 😂 I have missed so many good bags with excellent price because I was unsure whether to buy or not.

I won’t stall anymore next time? 😅

That Bag is an Expensive Band-aid

It is one of those days when I feel down and not feeling motivated.

Everything is a drag.

Feeling kind of sad, too.

Some said don’t wait for someone to give you happiness but look for it yourself.

In my case, can I buy it? There is a bag I really, really want for a long time. It is expensive but I have money to buy it. If I buy it, I’ll be happy 😅

It is also one of those days where I feel incompetent as a mom.

My toddler is going to be 3 in 2 months time and she still have speech issues and is not potty-trained. She also only eats fried food and hates veges.

I look at her and see my “failure”. 

A child reflects how is she being raised (or what kind of parents she have), her teachings at home and if people see her they must think her parents (or more specifically her mom) are not very good in doing her job.



Now can I buy that damn happiness?

Straight to the Trash

I am currently obsessed with brow products so after the brow tint, I bought a brow mascara.

This was RM38++ at Watsons.

I totally forgot about it yesterday and just remembered about it so I took it out and wanted to test it.

And found out the wand brush has broken 😬

What a complete waste of money!

Can’t even rant about it on IG because I don’t want H to know that I have wasted RM38++ on a useless makeup 😂

(Update) Baby A

Haven’t been able to update my blog as much as I wanted to 🙁

Baby A is really, really cranky and fussy right now she really tests my patience to the limit. I guess two major developments are coming our way; one is rolling over, and two, (didn’t see this coming THIS soon) teething! I swear a teething baby is such a pain to deal with 😣

Her upper gum is starting to look swollen and maybe that’s what making her so uncomfortable. Dunno when her first tooth will cut through – how soon does a baby get her tooth? 5 months? 6 months? Anyway, I guess I have to deal with her fussiness until the first tooth comes out 😣

She has rolled-over on her own a few times but it is not perfect yet. She always got her hand stuck under her body 😂

She grows up so fast 😭 She will be 4 months in 3 days 😭😭

The Last 5kg

This has been eating me out from the inside. It is sooooo hard to lose weight after the second child! With my first, I can snap back into my jeans after 3 months postpartum (or maybe earlier, I just didn’t try it) but with my second, the last 5kg is so hard to lose! I am 3kg to my pre-pregnancy weight (with second child) but I want to lose 2kg more to get my (sort of) old, before children body back. That would be ideal.

I am jealous with myself when I saw my old photos now 😂

I don’t want this skinny. It would be impossible 😂

This would be ideal. I was 3+ months postpartum with my first. 

How did I bounce back so quickly with only 1 baby to take care of? It must be because I haven’t hit 30 and my metabolism is quite good. Now with two kids, I was like a headless chicken everyday but still hard to lose weight! Must be age and slow metabolism right!